Talk Dirty to Me...or Not

Here I am again, asking questions about trends in romance.

Y'all know how I love the genre.

After reading it since the late sixties, I've seen many trends. But nothing like this.



 

So let me qualify some things before I delve into the heart of the matter. First off, I love romance in real life. I love flowers, long heated glances, slow pelvic-grinding dances, intimate whispers and small gestures of love. I also enjoy writing those kinds of scenes, because I feel our stories should reflect what we desire in real life. I desire to be treated with tenderness and respect. In fact, I demand it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FOUqQt3Kg0

 

For over twenty-five years, I worked in the male-dominated field of heavy metals--and no, I don't mean the music industry. Think Mack Trucks and machines that apply threads to the inside and outside of metal pipes. I worked in the oily muck and mire of industrial manufacturing. And, as one of the few women in a plant of hundreds of men, I was fodder for jokes and innuendos and come-ons. I hated it. But I loved my children and worked those jobs to provide for them.

 

Having strange men walk up to me at work and ask what size bra I wore or if I wanted a quick _uck or if I gave good head birthed a strong feminist nature. My thinking being if a man isn't going to respect me from the get-go, how's he going to treat me when life gets rough? And life has a habit of throwing crap on our driveways, doesn't it? How will he treat me when I'm sick or busy with the kids or too tired from work, cleaning and laundry to rock his world?

 

So imagine my shock and WTF attitude over some recently read romances where the hero talks dirty to the heroine. In the book I just finished last night, the heroine walks into the bar and hustles a game of pool to make some money. The hero can't take his eyes off her. They exchange some cute flirting banter and he leans in to whisper, "You're going home with me tonight and I'm going to be the best _uck of your life."

 

I read that sad line and laughed outloud, knowing how I'd handle Mr. God's Gift to Women. I'd coil my fingers around his wrist, trail a fingertip across his palm and sweetly say, "See this right here? This is all the action you're going to get tonight...Jerk!" Oh yeah, that's how this ol' broad would've handled it.

But what did this young woman do? She was so turned on by his audacity, she went home with him!

 

I wanted to slap my hand over my eyes. What the hell kinda message was this for young women?

He tries ordering her about in all phases of her life and she balks--thank God for something resembling self-respect from the heroine. So he tells her in his commanding attitude, that he'll put up with her sassy mouth and headstrong ways during the day. Excuse me? Sassy mouth and headstrong ways??? I call this independance. He calls it indulging her (Oh God, someone keep me from strangling this guy).

He goes on to say at night, when they are alone in the bedroom, she will obey his dirty talk, because she belongs to him. Kinda like a bicycle or his favorite pair of boots--my thoughts, not his words.

 

Now, I'm all for the alpha male. I enjoy confident men. Love them, in fact. However, I feel a man who's self-assured in his masculinity doesn't need to control a woman by being bossy. She'll respond better to his thoughtfulness and respect.

 

OR is this my age talking?

 

Is the younger generation of women happy to be bossed around like brainless ninnies?

I'm sorry, but if I'm having sex with a guy and he commands me to tell him he's got the biggest cock I've ever had, I'd have to stop and do a comparison. I would purposely let the air out of his ego-filled balloon.  If I'm a passenger in his car and he commands me to pull up my skirt and play with myself while he half-drives and half-ogles, as soon as he stops for the next red light, I am so outta that car.

 

I'm befuddled here, folks. This is the third romance I've read where the hero talks excessively dirty to the heroine and all three books are in the top 1000 rankings at Amazon. Are my alpha heroes with a soft spot for those they love out of style? Am I at the bus station waiting for my ship to come in?

What say you?

Is it Alpha Behavior or Abuse? by Vonnie Davis

I am a romance writer and I love my job.

I also love my heroines--spunky, plucky, intelligent women who discover they're stronger than they imagined. They turn life's adversities into advantages. And as the saying goes, they don't need a man's bull because they've sold the cow.

I also love alpha heroes. Love their confidence, their sexy swagger, their need to protect and, yes, to conquer.

But I'm seeing a trend in our alpha males and it bothers me.

It also bothered another woman who approached me in a restaurant last night. She bore a sheepish expression as she whispered, "I cheated on you."

I laughed. "You did? Who did you read?"

She told me the author's name and the title of the romance--and it was not one of the Fifty Shades books. "I could only read a chapter and a half. It was about a rich man and a younger woman and his need to possess her. I got this creepy feeling that this wasn't going to be a healthy romance, but a story about possession. With domestic violence so rampant, why would romance writers write about possession and glorify it, when in real life it so often leads to abuse?"

I thought of my current WIP and winced a tad. Was my alpha coming on a little too strong?

She continued to tell me she returned the book to the brick and mortar store and demanded her money back. Oh yeah, she was irate! Her hand on her hip, she leaned in. "Why would romance writers write about the kind of male behaviour we women fought so hard to get away from? I mean the whole book was about male domination. What woman in her right mind wants to put up with that? What about our independence? Our ability to take care of ourselves?"

She had a point.

I've been doing a lot of reflection since our conversation. I went to Amazon and read reviews on this book. Many called it hawt--better than Fifty Shades. Others felt the same way as the lady in the restaurant, that it was a story of a rich guy's need to dominate the young woman he'd fantasized about for years--his best friend's baby sister.

So, I wondered. Was it the younger generation who reviewed it in a favorable light? Were those who couldn't handle this alpha's behavior of an older generation who had encountered their fair share of male dominance in the work force and did NOT want it to sift into their beloved romances. What?

 

Has the Fifty Shades mania changed how we want our heroes?

Are women willing to put up with verbal abuse in thier search for a man who will take care of them, cater to their every need and then seduce them to supply the ultimate orgasm? Are we crossing the unhealthy line from alpha behavior into abusive men--and can such men be classified as heroes?

What are your thoughts?