HONORING DIFFERENCES IN THE SEXES

Some years ago, society went through a phase where it was politically incorrect to acknowlege any difference in the sexes. A premise spawned from the thinking "women can do anything a man can." If fact, many women--including myself, for a period--were determined to do whatever their male counterparts did.

In my case, I learned to read blueprints and operate machinery in the heavy metals industry. I was a card-carrying member of the IAM, International Machinists Union. Steel-toed shoes and denim aprons were my fashion statement items. Slivers of steel were embedded under my skin, and I could lift heavy pieces of iron along with Joe and Nathan. Not that I necessarily wanted to compete with a man, but I wanted to earn what he was earning. And I did.

I also got my bachelors in English and eventually changed professions, becoming a technical writer. Throughout those thirty-plus years, I studied men. Hey, someone had to do it!!!

What did I learn? Men are so wonderfully different from women--and I highly respect the differences. For one, our bodies are delightfully dissimilar. And I smile widely as I write that statement.

And for another--and this is especially important for writers--we think and speak differently.

"How was work today?" Alice kissed her husband as he pulled off his grey tie.

"Good."

"Did you get that project done or didn't your partner come through with those research figures you needed?"

"No."

"No, what?" Alice waved her hand. "You didn't get the project done or Carl didn't get his reseach figures in?"

His head and shoulders disappeared behind the refrigerator door. "Where's the beer?"

You see, women like to find out things. Men, on the other hand, like to ignore. That's why if a woman suspects her husband is cheating on her, she will turn into the best private eye on the planet searching for clues. That's also why a man will ignore his discarded shoes and dirty socks on the living room floor, and a woman will pick them up.

There are basic personality differences between the sexes. Sometimes these differences endear the other person to us. At others, they drive us freakin' insane! Don't 'cha love it?

A woman will see another woman wearing a pretty top and notice the color and style. She'll take note of the way the wearer's cinched in her waist with a wide, red stylish belt.

A man looks at the same woman wearing the same blouse and think, nice boobs.

It's how we're wired. And, folks, we're wired differently.

Make sure you remember that in your writing.

I've just finished judging a contest where writers failed to acknowlege those differences. One had a guy remarking how the cut of the heroine's dress made her look short and stocky, instead of emphazing her tiny waist. Men DON'T think that way. Not unless they're fashion designers. In fact, most men are too busy checking out your boobs and butt to notice the color of the dress. They are visual creatures, but only in relation to the body parts that turn them on--or the paint job on a classic car.

When something makes a woman angry, she will growl and talk about it for hours. A man says, "Screw it!" And he's done talking. But, make no mistake, he's stewing mentally over whatever's got his boxers in a twist.

We talk differently. Men often speak in grunts and groans and monosyllabic words. Not all, though, and this is where your characterization comes in. My husband, a retired English teacher and author, can out talk me any day. It's part of his character, based on his education, creativity level and interests.

Women notice details. Men notice what they want. Women are multi-taskers. Men are singularly focused.

Remember these differences as you write and your characters will ring true.