Blog by VONNIE DAVIS -- International, Award-Winning Romance Author: Adventurous...Humorous...Amorous.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

I Need More Time by Vonnie Davis

The fact that I've blogged about this before indicates I have a very real problem with saying, "No." Folks, here I am again: over-scheduled, over-committed, over-stressed. Breaking out in cold sweats as I consult my "to do" list. Checking my calendar and shaking my head.

When I'm asked to do something, why can't I just decline? Will that make me a bad person if I do? Mentally, I can tell myself that it won't. But, that part of me that thinks I'm Wonder Woman--or so Calvin claims--just can't do it. I have this need...

Add to my inability to walk away from anyone who needs help is my crazed tendency to set unrealistic deadlines for myself. Ack!

I've always heard that if you want someone to head a committee, ask a busy woman. My question is are we asking her because she's a pro at balancing a full-plate OR because she can't say "No" either?

 
I have six big projects that require my attention right now. Each had a deadline looming like a giant steamroller, silently, steadily approaching--and I've no one to blame for this, but myself. Because there's a broken link somewhere in my DNA chain that forbids my lips from curling into the "N" sound.
 
Check back next Sunday to see how I'm progressing with my 6 projects.
 
How about you? Do you over-commit?

4 comments:

Joanne Stewart said...

You're not alone, honey. I do the same thing. I think we're programmed to it. As women and all around nice people. Of course, I grew up being taught that way, to put myself last, and so it comes second nature to me. Sounds like maybe to you, too. Cause yer nice people. :)

I've learned to say no out of necessity. I don't like it, and I usually do it when I'm at the point you are--over-scheduled and over my head.

Sending you lots of positive, relaxing vibes! And may one of those projects magically gain an extension! lol

Vonnie Davis said...

Thanks for the compliment, Joanne. Calvin says he's putting it on my tombstone. "She couldn't say no." He's a trip. And he's right.

KSJ said...

You know, I've found that people will always try to make me feel bad about saying no. They -- I'm talking full grown adults here -- will give me sad faces, puppy dog eyes, tell me that I am making their lives difficult... And that used to work on me, in fact, it never used to get that bad, because I would always say yes, but then I started realizing something. I may feel bad for saying no right now, but I'm going to feel even worse when whatever it was just doesn't get done...

I still have lapses of acute niceness syndrome. I kick myself every time.

Vonnie -- your world won't cease to exist over you saying no. It might, though, if you burn yourself out...

Terri Rochenski said...

The hardest thing I've learned to say NO to is beta reading for author friends. ESPECIALLY when I have a deadline of my own looming as you do.

I just explain I can't right now, but if they're not in a rush perhaps in a week or two.

Most peeps in the writerly world understand. At least I think they do. Hope, anyway.