Feeling For That Opening Hook

Don't you love it when the opening sentence or paragraph of a book grabs you by the throat? I do. We all know how important the first page of our manuscript is. It's do-or-die important. So, drop the reader into the action right away. Then go back and evaluate every word. Rewrite it until you've got an opening hook that keeps the reader's eyes glued to the page.

I've heard a few editors say they can tell from the first paragraph if they want to contract the book. Yoowza! Where's my file? Let me sharpen my opening hook?

Sometimes you get a visual of how you want a book to start. I did with my first published book, Storm's Interlude. I've gotten the rights back to it, revamped it, and altered the storyline a little. The book will be included in a romantic bundle from various romance authors, coming out in February. But I did not change the opening paragraph.

Someone swaggered out of the moonlit night toward Rachel Dennison. Exhausted from a long day of driving, she braked and blinked. Either she was hallucinating or her sugar levels had plummeted. Maybe that accounted for the male mirage, albeit a very magnificent male mirage, trekking toward her. She peered once more into the hot July night at the image illuminated by her headlights and the full moon. Sure enough, there he was, cresting the hill on foot—a naked man wearing nothing but a tan cowboy hat, a pair of boots and a go-to-hell sneer.

Other times you put yourself into the character's head at the moment, feel her or his emotion and the opening line just smacks you. In fact, you make it the complete paragraph.

 
Her new neighbor was a man-whore.

The worst times are when you feel you have to give a bit of background to set the scene or describe a character. I have those times more than the ones above that I seem to luck into. This means writing and rewriting. Pouring through my thesauruses and synonym finder books, searching for the right word and, often it's the simplest word.

Kenzie Denune pedaled the bicycle harder, her thighs burning from the exertion. Thanks to a car that refused to start, she was going to be late fer her job interview at Iverson Loch Manor. Grunting and pounding from the shrubs ahead, near the road’s edge, snagged her attention.

Naked shoulders glistened in the afternoon sun. Back muscles bulged and undulated with every thrust. “Bloody hell. Come fer me. Come.”

In all of Mathe Bay in the Scottish Highlands, only one deep masculine voice had the power to raise the hair on her arms like this. A man with braided russet-colored hair that brushed broad shoulders inked with a bear’s claw marks, woven into an intricate tribal design—Bryce Matheson. Damn him to hell. Who’s he shagging in broad daylight? Out in the open, no less. Has he no shame?

There's a bit of confusion in this beginning and I love leading the reader on, if only for a few lines. In my current WIP about ex-SEALs, I did this...

Dustin Franks sat on the edge of the bed, gasping for breath as sweat poured off of him. His palms settled on his moist thighs and his chin rested against his collarbone.

“You went longer than you ever have. I was beginning to think you’d never finish.”

His gaze slowly shifted to hers. “You had me fired up.”

“I meant every word I said.”

He blotted the perspiration from his face and neck with a towel. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

His physical therapist rubbed her small baby bump. “No, you big worrier. You’re leaning less on me and the bar and putting more weight on the titanium calf and foot.” Rebecca handed him a cup of water. “Drink. You know the drill.”

They don't come easily. Or quickly. I often spend days on opening hooks to hone them to my satisfaction. Even then, the editor might change it. But it has to be good enough to grab her attention and make her want to read on. Or her pinky finger will edge toward that delete key.

 

HOW'S YOUR OPENING HOOK?

I love a story that reaches out in the first paragraph and wraps its hand around my throat. One that grabs my attention from the get-go and laughs or threatens, “Hang on, girl, I’m gonna take you on a fantastic ride.”

Isn’t that what we want from a book as readers? To be swept away from the pile of laundry, the dirty toilet or the five pounds that somehow sneaked onto our bathroom scales? To be reminded of those push-and-pull moments of initial attraction to a man. To be swept away to some exotic place or another era? To be pulled into a dangerous situation? To be snatched by the writer onto an emotional ride from laughter to tears to anger or fear? If these statements are true, then we as writers must work hard at providing those moments for our readers.

But before we can attract the reader to the plot of our stories, we have to snare their attention from the initial words under the words: Chapter One.

To grab the reader, a writer needs a good hook.

If an agent or editor isn’t hooked immediately, she’ll reject the manuscript. Sometimes this happens after reading the first five pages, but more often, the rejection comes after the first page, or worse the FIRST paragraph. So, as writers, we must have a great hook. Something startling, or charming, or amusing that makes our reader want to read on. A paragraph or two that dares the reader to walk away. This is rarely easy.

Still, with a critical eye and a gazillion rewrites, we can do it. Forget the fluff. In the past, it was more acceptable to ground the reader with a setting or show the reader what the character’s life was like in the past. Now, more and more editors and agents are asking—no, demanding—the writer start with the inciting incident and then go back and fill in the details.

Start your story at the inciting incident—the moment where your character’s life changes, either for the better or the worse.

Let’s take a look at some examples. In Storm’s Interlude, I started with a bizarre scene:

Someone swaggered out of the moonlit night toward Rachel. Exhausted from a long day of driving, she braked and blinked. Either she was hallucinating or her sugar levels had plummeted. Maybe that accounted for the male mirage, albeit a very magnificent male mirage, trekking toward her. She peered once more into the hot July night at the image illuminated by her headlights. Sure enough, there he was, cresting the hill on foot—a naked man wearing nothing but a black cowboy hat, a pair of boots and a go-to-hell sneer.

Imagine the number of rewrites to get that paragraph just the way I wanted it. Let’s take a look at a few more opening hooks. In my opinion, opening hooks should speak to us, make us shudder or smile, make us identify with the heroine or simply ask questions that make us want to read on to find the answers. Here are some that captured my attention right away. Openings that made me want to read on for a variety of reasons.

Chase Paladin slammed on the brakes and prayed. Momentum, and the heavy livestock trailer he was towing, sent his pickup careening toward the red sports car idling in the middle of Route 66.

With tires smoking, he rocked to a stop inches from its rear bumper. He peeled his fingers from the steering wheel and spared a glance for Bo, who had slid off the seat onto the floor of the truck. The hound shook himself.   

-- Jannine Gallant’s Nothing But Trouble. (Don’t you love the visuals she’s thrown in with just the right word choice, like “peeled his fingers”? This tells me I’m in for an excellent read.)

“Reese, if you weren’t dead, I swear, I’d kill you!” D’Anne Palmer stomped from her mosquito-infested campsite toward the Laundromat. “Damn it!” she cursed, smacking a super-sized, bloodsucking pest feasting on her neck.  -- Lynne Marshall’s One for the Road

(I love reading about a woman pissed, which she clearly is. So, now, I have to read on to find out why she’s angry. And who is this dead man?)

“Kyle, I’m pregnant.”  

(Three words and I’m hooked. Oh, well done!)

-- JM Stewart’s Staking His Claim




“What the hell did ye find wrong with that one? She’s a well-bred lass with a tempting dowry, and ye’re a blind man if ye missed those breasts.”  -- Maeve Grayson’s The Highlander’s Fury (If I’m smiling, I’m hooked…and the author most definitely has me smiling.) 

She’d read somewhere that the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach, but Samantha McNead knew better than that—in certain men the stomach was aiming just a bit too high.

Wade O’Riley was one of them. 

(Haven’t we all felt that way about a man, or twenty, in our time. She’s hooked me because already I’m identifying with the heroine.)

-- Jill Shalvis’s Slow Heat

“You look like you’ve been hit by a truck.”

(Oh, really? And why? What’s happened?)

Mackenzie Crowne’s That Dating Thing

 “I need a wife, Carter, and I needed her yesterday.” Riding in the back of the town car en route to a Starbucks, of all places, Blake Harrison glanced at his watch for the tenth time that hour.  

Catherine Bybee’s Wife by Wednesday (Can’t you feel his annoyance? If the reader can make me feel what the character’s feeling, I’m hers for the duration of the book.)

Sometimes the hook comes in a set of carefully arranged lines.

The Change

Waikato Hospital, New Zealand

The lights dimmed and the humming intensified, echoing in her blood.

Radiation snaked out from the machine like tentacles and struck deep. As if she’d gone down a hill too fast, Jenna’s stomach lurched. She gasped aloud as internal organs stretched and shifted and her heart beat frantically in her chest. She fought the urge to vomit and closed her eyes, breathing deeply. Why did everyone say x-rays were a piece of cake?

LaVerne Clark’s Affinity (I was hooked by this point and there was more to the paragraph. I had to know what the author meant by the first line: The Change.)

To me, the variety and power of an opening hook are endless. In a book I recently contracted, Rain is a Love Song, this is my opening paragraph.

It wasn’t the hardened man who eased his motorcycle to the curb that snagged Gwen Morningstar’s attention. Nor was it the wide spread of his shoulders or the way his black jeans hugged his muscled thighs like a pair of lover’s hands. For sure, it wasn’t the long scar on his right cheek or the small silver cross that dangled from his ear. No, it was his pristine-white angel wings that dragged on the pavement.

In my current WIP, Jazzbeat of Surrender, I am floundering with my opening. Big time. I have rewritten it, moved paragraphs, deleted, tweaked, freaked and still don’t like it. But as Hemingway said, writing is rewriting.

These hives were going to kill her. For reasons she kept secret, weddings and anything associated with romantic love made Simone Reynard’s skin crawl. While most women sighed and cried at weddings, she suffered the annoying itch of hives.

Her gaze swept over her sister’s yard, lavishly decorated for the outdoor wedding reception. She scratched at her chin, thankful concerns about the weather proved fruitless; the fall day was gorgeous, although slightly cool. Thank goodness her maman and Gwen, the other bride, decided on a double ceremony. She’d only have to go through this misery once.

I’ll get eventually. I guess.

What about you? Do you have trouble with your opening hooks?

*** Oh, to all you talented writers that I mentioned and shared your opening hooks, Blogger's Label feature only allowed me so many characters, so I could not include the titles of your referenced work. Sorry.